we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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