There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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