my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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