I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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