That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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