i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
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You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
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Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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