I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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