Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
