3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dear god my vagina.
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