I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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