There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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