I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
