nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
