I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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