Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
