If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
