Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
