just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
