apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
