he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
