No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
