So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
zippers are such a cool invention
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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