Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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