The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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