Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize