I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
