what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
