I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner