You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?