you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks