OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
