Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
