Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
