I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize