i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
