i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
