girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Found your dick twin last night
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
