Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
