don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize