Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
