handjob tips. give me some.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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