she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
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