Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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