i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
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