Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
