Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
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Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
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The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize