Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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