I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
