I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
