Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
