I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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