I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
