i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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