That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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