Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize