Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
im holly from the hills drunk
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
