shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
