either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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