I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
