my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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