these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
