you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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