You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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