remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
