this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Who died my cat blue again?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
