Got a toothbrush?
I want to have your abortion
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Randomize
