the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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